Worry has this deceptively soothing identity that make us think that it's a worthy activity.
Like doing it has some sort of magical power to take care of the problem at hand. To protect ourselves - or those around us that we love dishing worry out to.
But worry is not a super power given to us by the gods of protection.
Worry, is a feeling that pretends to be useful. Worrying is a feeling or an emotion caused by a thought we have about results in the future.
I come from a long line of worriers, but my mum and my grandma were both professional chronic worriers. You name it - they worried about it. Cars, flying, money, no money, health, death, birth, birds, neighbours, pavs, dresses, kids and cats. If it was, they came up with a worry for it.
Worry pretends to be so necessary. It gives us something to do, when we don't know what else to do. It makes us feel useful.
When we worry, our brain-starts generating thoughts of worst case scenarios. Thoughts that create a plethora of feelings like - dread, fear, doubt and terror.
Worry gets our brain active - and then freezes our action.
And those thoughts about what might happen in the future trigger feelings which DON'T drive action that will serve us. (Our results)
"I'm just worried that Ill never be able to lose weight." That thought is likely to trigger a feeling like hopelessness. When we feel hopeless - we don't feel like taking inspired action - we are more likely to dig into a box of Cheezles. When we eat a box of Cheezles because we feel hopeless, we are going to put on weight. So that worry - which felt purposeful actually worked to the opposite effect.
If you are worrying about something - ask yourself the question - is that thought serving me? If your worried that's the wrong answer : ) have a look at how that thoughts is making you feel - and if that feeling is creating non action - or avoidance of action.
Ask yourself is there another way to look at it?
"I'm just worried that Ill never be able to lose weight." Could look like:
"I know that worrying about weightloss is just part of the process."
"Im aware that I worry about losing weight"
See the feeling the shift in thought can generate?
I was working with a client recently and she was worried about a kid that was bullying her son. But her worry wasn't helping her son. It was causing aggravation in her behaviour - creating more problems for her son.
C: Sons Teammate T: I just want to fix it. F: Frustration A: Hound him about team mate. Keep talking about it. R: Make it worse. Don't fix it.
Then we looked at another way and found a thought more useful than what shed been having - it enabled her space to look how she could contribute to the situation if she stopped worrying.
T: I know boys are tough.
A: Hug him. Not talk about soccer kid. Go shoot hoops
R: Safe and supported.
Does that serve you?
Can you see where this could be occurring in your world?
Worrying doesn't serve us because its focused on the future which we cant control.
When we worry about the future - we are failing ahead of time.
If you would like some coaching on worrying - email me email@example.com